Self-Image destroyed!

So, I'm sitting here at work listening to 80's "retro" music (whatever that is supposed to imply), considering the extent of my recently developed obsession. At first this obsession was a joy and I relished in it. My husband would take easy shots at my apparent and accepted obsession, and I didn't mind. We bantered back and forth about it - he about the obviously cheesy content, and me suggesting that all this teasing was a mask for interest (kind of like a grade-school boy pulling your 7 year old pig-tails).

So, as I accepted this obsession with ease I knew it must come to an end since this certain obsession, does not take the form of an infinitely available resource. I let my self-control take a vacation and let it all go. Woot! Really, I was even so interested that I let myself indulge in this obsession at stoplights, and may have even missed a few hours of work (well, a few is . . . . maybe more.. .uh, who really cares) for this . .. interest.

I've recently decided that this obsession may be more than I realized. I had no idea that releasing all self-control in this area would prove dangerous. I use self-control, like most people, to maintain focus on life-priorities. But I've found a new use for self-control. But before I get to that point I must make a pre-emptive point. So, we all have likes and dislikes right? But we also have accepted ideas of what is cool, and ideas of self-image - right? But sometimes those two ideas don't mege well. So, let's just say that I did have an idea of both - but I've been completely blind-sided. You probably have no idea what I'm talking about. Just let me warn you, don't say good-bye to self-control no matter how tempting a teenage novel may be (heh, yeah, that's right). .. .. it may lead you down an unknown path only to arrive at an all too familiar place. A place that could wreck the impenetrable facade I've created. One of a cool, calm, and collected individual with refined tastes. Self-control was once used to abstain from specific activities that may be interesting but might place me in the category of nerd, or new age, or trekie - or even worse, a romantic (barf, the image of someone who fantasizes over romance always seemed so unpractical and silly to me). Whatever the image is, I'm frightfully near complete engagement with it. I thought that reading a book about a family of vampires was a silly idea at the beginning. Not so much anymore. I thought visiting a favorite author's website was a little over the line. Not any longer. I had no idea I'd enjoy. .. being a . .. . fan. Of a vampire book no-less. Or, a romantic. Wow, that was hard.

You know, I'm just working through issues here. This is like a forum really. I had no idea that I was sacrificing my self-image for a teenage romance novel! I mean, it's hard when my husband gets home at night. I sit and read my novel of silliness and consider the meaning of love while he works on academic-posh stuff. Stuff that get's you somewhere in the world, like translating some old Frenchie's document and GRE stuff and whatever other smart stuff that he does - googlie glaven haiven. Hmph.

So what is my new found use of self-control? I'm not really quite sure why I even asked because I don't really know, heh. Maybe it is to stop things before they begin, but once it's too late there's no helping it! Of course, this last stipulation is only in applicable to my obsession. You can always give up an obsession, you didn't let your self-control take off to bermuda.

Well, I guess that is all for now. I'll have to reconvene with my blogger support group in a couple of weeks to update my progress. Although the group mainly consists of Google and me - I hope that we, mostly I, can make it through this hard time. But I doubt it until 11.21.08! Mahahahahah! WAhoooooOO!